The Rikkai Commandments
by fluterchang
Summary: How do the Rikkai regulars live their life in Rikkai U? Let's find out. Oneshot


**Hey people! Here I am again, and this time, I'm writing about the Rikkai Ten Commandments! Sorry if I offended any uberly religious readers…**

_I am Genichirou Sanada, your fukubochou, thou shalt not follow else anyone but me (exception for Yukimura)._

"Akaya- 100 laps NOW!" the Rikkai Regulars could hear their fukubochou shout, way, _way_ at the other side of the court.

It was an unfortunate day for Akaya, since Yukimura went to attend an important captain's meeting. And the fact that he was gullible enough to follow Niou's advice to take Sanada's cap and shred it. Shred it into a jillion pieces…

"Relax, Gen- _chan_," Niou snickered. "I can see a vein popping out from your temple."

Akaya wailed and stomped his feet on the ground before starting his laps.

Everyone knew that they couldn't do anything to calm Sanada down when you disrespected the navy blue cap (or was it a black cap?).

_You shall have no other idol or fukubochou before me _(I couldn't apply the rule for Yukimura 'coz he's just too gentle! XD)

Sanada could feel his eyebrows twitch. There were loud snickers and laughter from the club house. He thought he could trust Yanagi to take care of the team, even for just _a_ minute. He may be known as the 'Emperor' but certainly he couldn't control his bladder.

He opened the door, only to be shocked at what he had seen.

Renji was tied up in a corner, an apple in his mouth and his hair was the color of bubblegum pink. Speaking of bubblegum, Marui, Jackal, Akaya and Yagyuu were laughing in the middle of the floor, sides splitting.

Niou was dressed as him, complete with the hat, with a doll purposely drawn on it. He was wearing a frilly polka-dotted red dress that went up to his knees, with white high socks and heels. Three- inch high heels. He was also carrying a picture of a baby, when closer inspected, was actually Genichirou Sanada in diapers.

That very same afternoon all the Rikkai Regulars' faces were swollen and red, except for Yukimura, of course.

_Thou shalt not use the name of gum in vain in front of Marui._

"I GOT A SECRET!" Akaya bellowed. He was about two miles away from the tennis courts (according to Yanagi), but the regulars could hear what he said clearly.

When he finally reached them, he was out of breath.

"What is it, again, brat?" Niou moaned. Akaya gave him his signature pout before continuing. "I have a hot new sophomore in my English class! She was supposed to be in Room A3, but she got moved to my class instead!"

"Really?" Marui asked, popping his gum. "In the name of saliva- filled gum, she's insanely hot! I got a total crush on her!" Akaya said, flailing his arms.

Suddenly, a dark aura started to come from Marui. "What did you say?"

"I have a total crush on her?"

"Before that…"

"She's insanely hot?"

"Before that…"

"In the name of saliva- filled gum?"

"Yeah… _That_."

"What about it, Marui- senpai?"

Marui didn't answer. His eyes were shadowed. He grabbed a racket out of nowhere and chased Akaya with it.

When he finally caught up with him, he started beating him mercilessly with it. It took the other Regulars, except Sanada, about 45 minutes to pry him off.

_Remember Yukimura's birthday and give him presents._

Yukimura walked into the tennis courts. Hell, he practically skipped there, a shiny and happy aura emerging from him. "I hope you all remember what day it is!" he said.

The regulars just looked at him blankly. Suddenly Akaya burst out, "It's a real special day today, bochou!"

Yukimura looked at him as if he were the most expensive tennis racket in the world. "I know, Akaya, and do you know what day it is?"

"It's Friday!"

"…"

"What's the matter, bochou? Friday is my most favoritest day of the week!"

"'Coz school ends today?" Niou scorned. Akaya nodded happily. A large sweat drop appeared at the back of the regulars' heads.

"Aside from that Akaya."

"We get to have cake all day long?"

"No, Marui."

They just gave him a surrendering look. "It's. My. Birthday."

"Oh."

For the next few weeks, the Rikkai Regulars stayed at the hospital due to unexplainable violence.

_Honor Jackal's shiny dome, and just say 'NO' when he talks about it._

"Hey guys," a Brazilian guy's voice said during lunch. "Do you think I should grow my hair back." It was more like a statement than a question.

"NO."

"Hm, maybe I should try a wig?"

"NO."

"Don't you think the bald look is getting old?"

"NO."

Silence.

"Please pass the ketchup, then," Jackal said, disappointed.

"NO."

_Niou shalt not kill, especially under the influence of crack._

Niou was walking around Rikkai campus, his head down, he smelled like some drug. Hell, he couldn't even walk straight.

"Niou- senpai, even though it's against my will to ask, are you okay?" the Junior Ace said, walking over to the crazy bleach- haired teenager.

"Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. You're a nice little sandwich are you?" Niou said, looking up. He was wearing a cocky smile and surprisingly, he looked like a little girl, addicted to drugs.

"…"

"A sandwich?" Yagyuu asked, peering up from the book he was reading. Ah, the subconscious mind of the gentleman.

"You stay out of this! I ain't talking to my sister's pink- laced bras."

"Uh, Yagyuu? Did Niou just call you a bra?" Marui asked. "Yes, Marui,that's what I heard."

"Hey, look! A pink pony!" Niou screamed, pointing at Marui. The tensai looked outraged. "My hair is red, DAMNIT!"

Then Jackal walked in. Niou looked at him, mouth agape. "It's a monster!"

"What?" "Don't worry, he's just high in crack today, it's perfectly normal," Yagyuu said, patting Jackal on the back.

"I'll save us all!" Niou screeched. Grabbing Sanada's sword, he started attacking everybody. "You call _that_ normal?!"

"It _is_ Niou we're talking about."

They abruptly stopped running and shrugged. Niou had slumped to the ground, singing America's National Anthem.

"Yup, pretty normal."

_Niou shalt not rape any of the girls in Rikkai, either if he's under the influence of drugs or alcohol._

The Rikkai regulars heard a scream coming from the clubhouse. They turned around to see a brown- haired girl with blue eyes running towards them.

"Help me!"

"What happened?" the stoic vice- captain said, stepping forward. "That bleach- haired bitch tried to rape me!"

"Niou?"

The girl nodded. They closely examined her, she was pretty, and the color of the Rikkai uniform really brought out her eyes. She was small though, leaving her defenseless to Niou. Oh yeah, speaking of Rikkai uniform, hers was torn.

The Rikkai regulars ran to the clubhouse. Niou was nowhere in sight. Then they heard another scream.

"Not again."

_Thou shalt not steal Marui's gum while he's not looking._

"Hey, brat!" Niou called out to his kouhai. Akaya could tell by the sound of his voice that he was going to make him do something. Something that'll cause chaos is Rikkai.

"What is it, Niou- senpai?" he said simply. After all, he was defenseless at the moment.

~oOo~

"Hey, pinky!" Niou yelled at the far side of the corner. Marui closed his eyes and counted to ten. Yagyuu's anger management lessons were paying off.

Niou scowled. "Over here, fatty!"

Still nothing.

"Hey, you dumb ass, I 'm chewing gum!"

Marui turned around and growled at Niou. "Yeah, you heard me, you pink ball of fat, I'm chewing gum!" Marui stood up, seized his racket and started attacking Niou.

As soon as his two senpais were out of sight, Akaya grabbed the pack of gum that was left on the table, put it down on the floor and burned it.

~oOo~

"Here I am, in front of Rikkai University." A black- haired reporter said. "My sources tell me that the cafeteria had been burnt down and one of the students, a red head, to be specific, is now being sent to the, ahem, Mental Institute. We'll get back to you when we get more info. This has been Kotone, Ayano. Thank you for watching."

_Akaya is not allowed to lie. Ever._

"Genichirou, why did you make poor Kirihara run laps?" the bishounen captain of Rikkai asked. "He _lied_, Yukimura. He told everbody he _didn't_ take Marui's pack of gum."

Yukimura gasped. _Akaya? Lie?_

"He's been spending too much time with Niou. You did the right thing, Genichirou." He said, patting Sanada on the back.

Sanada smiled. Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep inside.

_Thou shalt not take Sanada's Yukimura._

"Hey, Gen- chan," Niou said. "Do _you _know who's Yukimura's favorite_ male_ artist?"

Sanada twitched. "Yukimura has one?"

"Yeah, definitely, he's been like idolizing that guy for years." A sadistic smile formed on Niou's face. "Well, gotta go ruin more lives. See ya, Geni."

~oOo~

"I am now here in front of Hollywood's famous café, where most of famous actors gather, and my sources confirmed that every actor is badly injured. The only clues were a Japanese sword, a cap and a writing that says, '_Stay away from my Yukimura.' _

"Kotone, Ayano reporting. Thanks for watching."

**Sowee the last two parts were short -.- I couldn't really think of anything. Well, time to go eat some Cadbury!**


End file.
